A new day

At my last pt session, I was able to complete 4 laps walking with minimal support of Becky, in other words I completed about 600 ft and most of the work being done by me and me alone! This means I AM Getting better no matter what the naysayers say.
This was Monday, today I did one lap and after I was of to build my endurance on different machines.
Last week I had a couple of days when I was pretty down. I focused too much on fear and doubts which equals failure. In either case that is not what I want. I seek to improve every day. However, sometimes it is difficult to be positive all the time which brings me back to where I once had started, down the rabbit hole.... A place where I never want to be again!
Keep positive thoughts, prayers, and post coming. It really helps me to keep going!
A personal favor, I would very much appreciate for all my blog friends to spread the word about this blog to make it grow. Strength in numbers! So, please help me with this goal, because there are more Darrens out there who may find support and understanding through this blog. Thanks everyone and be well!

You tell me...

So our 2nd snow/ice day passed and I hated to be couped up. Especially today, since the roads were all ice! But it got me thinking (even too much of that today) what would you like me to talk about other then my updates? Anything you want to hear more about? I for one would like to read some other vets/soldiers stories. But too about what goes on in everyone's lives. It wuld be nice to see this blog become a give and take kinda thing... Thoughts?

Hey everyone!
Today just a quick update on things I did. Yesterday i walked again with Becky on just one arm to support me. I did well. It is exciting to be able to do this biggest challenge now, work on making walking safer but endurance will be an even bigger task for me!
This afternoon I went to our nearby gym to work my legs on the leg press, working to get all my neurons fired again, not done in one push but when one stopped doing things or couldn't do somethings anymore it's all the more reason to get going at it! either way I did well again with my activities all week long, very encouraging!
this will be a short one today but as usual more to follow as I continue to improve and push on! Stay tuned, ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Dear Friends,

we hope your holidays were as relaxed as ours. We wish you all a happy, HEALTHY, prosporouse 2011.
Many challenges will await Team Baldwin but I am determined to pull through and push on. The Friday prior to Christmas week, I felt the best I had felt in a long time. Why? For the first time I was honestly convinced I will prevail, I have a plan to collect my respect back from the ones who have been lacking to pay it forward to me. Not many of them but in particular one that is just plain and simple a black and white thinker.
The MEB (Medical Evaluation Board) process is dizzying sometimes and a lot of appointments to go to. I have to revisit with old foes, not people, but rather locations I just dislike to go to due to many unpleasant experiences. The meaning of MEB usually hits all soldiers hard and scares us if we are honest about it. It's not where you want to be. It means you are not well, injured, sick, whichever may be but it's something you have to do in order to be set for your future. The future itself appears sometimes as a black hole, unsure where you are heading anyway.
But through the support of many, my wife, my family, friends, some are vets some are civi, health care providers,  I know there is a future for me, one that just might be very bright actually. It's up to me so, to do the hard work to get myself back in gear, physically and emotionally.
I have been doing alright emotionally and also physically, I am advancing well but it is not Military fast.... ;0)
Because of my physical therapies I have gained a lot more sttrength, coordiantion, and given it still will take a lot longer but at least it's an experience that shows with endurance I will continue to improve untill I get where I want to go.
For some of you it may sound odd that some one like me gets excited aboiut being able to pour my own water, pick up a bottle or cup without knocking it over/spilling but for me the way I view it it's a positive, huge progress which needs to be celebrated either internally or externally. Currently I celebrate more internally but that's what is more important anyway becasue I can feel the good vibes of "small" victories.
I walk quite well without too much help from others, for me it's all about correct posture. I swam again and did well despite me being on medications for my condition. I will challenge myself to swim more next time around. I am doing well transfering myself from a chair into another, or bed, or up right position.
Today at PT I walked the best I have in a long time, my buddy video taped it, Bianca got to watch it and between her and my therapist, they were thrilled about how good I looked. I had just a little help and the rest was all ME! Now how about them apples....!

More to follow soon, keep tuning in for hopefully more good news across the board. This year just has to be my year!

Be well and God bless!

This week's synopsis

Hey friends! It's been about a week since my last blog, but here is this weeks' deal. I made quite some improvements all things considered: I used only one forearm crutch; of course with the assistance of my pt, Becky. The good thing is I was able to do this for about 200ft. I also, did very well in the double bars, holding up myself, walking by myself, and all Becky had to do was to ever so lightly touch me btu really she was just making sure of my safety. Even BEcky said, this waspossibly the best double bar walk she has ever seen me do.  I am also doing well with the "calm your mind" excersises, she has me do. A combo of pilates and yoga, haha, who would have thought I would ever do the "fu-fu/girlie" stuff!!
Oh well, you gotta start somewhere.
On Wednesday, we had an appointment with the Internal Medicine doc at Womack. Good news, NO I DID NOT BREAK DOWN INTO PIECES - so my Post Traumatic Womack Syndrome seems to have somewhat subsided! He is a likeable doc and seems to be open minded. He was surprised about my muscle strength and ability to retain/gain it. You see, the MS situation is not out of the picture for military docs yet but I am just not fitting the "typical" mold for it. Needless to say, I am kind of a head sratcher  patient for them. Also, my MRI was not what I hoped for, however, it baffles the docs as well because my lesions seem to "move" from one side to the other meaning from the back to the front, left to right, etc.  It doesn't appear necessarily that I have more but I certainly do have a lot of them, the radiologist said too many to count. Great.... Anyway, the radiologist did NOT refer to it as MS which is good news considering that my diagnosis of Neuro Lyme is controversial. The IM doc considers to have me checked for some chemicals because I had exposure in Iraq plus some of my former team members seem to have issues as well, some symptoms are alike some very different. Of course the TBI portion is still in the mix and according to the doc, he was very honest by stating, they just don't know enough about it yet. So I continue being the odd ball but I also know I am only one of many odd cases these days.
All in all, I have to keep my mind and spirit strong and focus on my physical gains rather then my losses or brain imaging. This is really tough to do but I have to because otherwise this situation will hurt me even more and backfire.

Keep looking for blogs and God bless all of you

Aquatic Therapy

So today, I did it again...I swam 20 length, i.e. 10 laps! Which is awesome because less then a year ago I couldn't swim at all! So this was a good day for me. I am cashed right now but hey I worked hard today ;0)
More tomorrow when I get to go back to see my "old" physical therapist again who is the best in all of Fayetteville, very excited to be back in her hands!

Hello followers!

Who am I anyway? Let me introduce myself....

My name is Darren Baldwin. I’m 35 years old and a Green Beret Major in the U.S. Army, currently on medical recovery at Ft. Bragg, N.C. I suffer from mild traumatic brain injury (TBI) and central nervous system Lyme disease (also called neurological Lyme disease), the outcomes of two roadside bombings I experienced while serving in Iraq in 2005.

Though I am unable to serve my country actively right now, I like to think I have served it with honor in the past. I received a Purple Heart medal in August 2010 for my combat-related injuries. I also feel blessed to hold multiple combat medals and several other service awards.

My medical saga and the dramatic life transformations that my wife Bianca and I have experienced as a result of it are the subject of this blog. But this is not intended just to talk about me! As I share our daily journey with our blog readers, I hope you will find something to encourage, inspire and help you or a loved one.

But first, I will share a bit about my past life to bring you up to speed.

The Urge to Serve

I grew up in Worthington, Ohio, and graduated from Worthington Kilbourne High School in 1993. I graduated from West Point U.S. Military Academy in 1998 and from U.S. Special Forces Qualification School in 2003. In the interim between West Point graduation and becoming a member of the U.S. Army Special Forces, I was stationed in Giessen, Germany, and there I met my beautiful wife Bianca.

I served in Kosovo in support of Task Force Falcon in 2000 and did three tours of duty in Iraq as part of Operation Iraqi Freedom. I endured my traumatic brain injuries in 2005 while on my second tour in Iraq. At first I had only occasional TBI symptoms such as nausea and dizziness and some other odd things I had never felt before. Because I hadn’t yet been diagnosed with TBI, I returned to Iraq for a third tour of duty in January 2006.

Five months later I was invited to return to the States to serve as aide de camp to the U.S. Army Special Forces commanding general at Ft. Bragg. During my year of service there, I traveled to many countries, meeting and working with many great personnel. After completing the aide-de-camp duty, I served as a commander of a very specialized group whom I shall not name.

Somewhere along the way, the traumatic brain injury I had received in 2005 gave host to neurological Lyme disease, which had apparently been latent in my body. But before Lyme was confirmed, I was diagnosed with possible development of Multiple Sclerosis although the initial opinion was indeed some kind of brain infection or even hidden cancer somewhere in my body.

Unless treated early, Lyme disease leads to very serious complications. So by 2008, the TBI and Lyme had so deteriorated my functioning that I had difficulty with walking independently, doing everyday living functions and maintaining work responsibilities.

A Life on Hold

Since 2009, my arms, legs and vocal chords tremor so badly that I can’t write, walk without aid,  easily grasp objects, neatly feed myself or clearly speak. Even with a Lyme disease diagnosis and treatment, my fight to recovery has become a daily routine. It appears that 10 years from now my life will not look like I had envisioned it when I was a young Green Beret officer on track for a promising military career!

What I do know is that Bianca and I feel great compassion for what other wounded warriors and their families’ experience, and we want to share our experiences, our encouragement, and whatever we’ve learned in our battle for recovery that may be helpful to others.

We hope you’ll check back with us for frequent updates!